changing my tune

i'm becoming fond of change. this feels funny to say when i think of what a confused mess i've been since... well, at least since i arrived in ireland in may 2007. running into 'culture walls' (i.e. those confounding cultural moments that brought me to the end of myself) i started to see and grapple with the constructs in my life that i work so hard to build, the identity i strive so to maintain... and the fears and deep-rooted lies that lurk beneath them. God knew. He is my Father, after all. and not only does He know but He cares. He put me in a place where none of my strategies worked so that for the first time I would have no choice but to stop, to cry out to Him, and to see what He would do. even more so, to see what He had already been doing... good gifts He had been preparing to give me, even before my hands were free to recieve them! the ones that mean the most to me are the ones that i could not have predicted.

a prime example was my last day in dublin. i was spending the day with rachel and becca... knowing that i wanted to be with the girls closest to me every possible second before i boarded the plane for philadelphia and my world changed. the annual Festival of World Cultures was on in Dun Laoghaire, and so, rachel and i made our way down from the coach house... via a cash machine and the food stalls... and found not only becca but cathy breen! becca was bursting because lisa hannigan was playing a free concert at 7!! i heard this, but the information faltered to register in my brain through the cloud of my typical cluelessness mixed with supressed grief about the fact that i was leaving ireland. 'you want to hear jill who?' 'lisa hannigan!' oh right, she used to sing with damien rice. i do love her voice. sure! put off the packing a few more hours! let's go. and for several unplanned hours, i was side by side with my girls, camping out to reserve a spot in the grass, and then, listening and falling in love with lisa's soulful sentimental, jazzy fun songs. her lyrics are like wine for a sentimental sap like me:

'Ocean and A Rock'

What you at my gentle spoken friend
I lack a frame to put you in
when you're an ocean and a rock away

I feel you in the pocket of my overcoat
my fingers wrap around your words
they take the shape of games we play

I feed your words through my buttonholes
pin them to my fingerless gloves
green and prone to fraying

Thoughts of you, warm my bones
I'm on the way, I'm on the phone,
Lets get lost, me and you,
an ocean and a rock is nothing to me.

I am far away from where you lay,
awake the day while you fall to sleep
an ocean and a rock away

I keep you in the pockets of my dresses
and the bristles of my brushes
spin you into my curls today

I spoon you into my coffee cup,
spin you through a delicate wash
I wear you all day

Thoughts of you warm my bones
I'm on the way, I'm nearly home,
Lets get lost, me and you
an ocean and a rock is nothing to me

this song has become even more dear to me as i've listened to it on this side of the ocean. altogether an experience that none of us knew we would have. it was a day carved just for us.

and it didn't end there...when I was getting ready to move to Seattle in January, i got an email from Rachel forwarding the news of Lisa's upcoming stateside tour, which was to include a performance in Seattle Feb. 16!! 'go go go!' she said. and so the beginning of my life in seattle included lisa hannigan, and an opportunity to invite friends here (carrie, kj, carrie's sister heather, and jenn) into a taste of where i have come from. it felt more than coincidental. again, finding myself surrounded by the faithful love of a Father who knows me, and knows what i will love. including the friendships that this story hinges on.

none of which i would know if it weren't for change.